This post was written by Roman Vaynshtok, founder of Peace and Balance Reiki Center. Roman usually holds Reiki programs in our Branches.
Our emotions make us human. As a human, we are capable of feeling a vast spectrum of emotions, some more healthy than others. The skills to hold on positive and let go of the negative make the difference between a happy and miserable life. Every person on the planet experiences pain, physical or emotional, and you are not unique. How we deal with that pain – is what makes us different. We can’t move forward until we let go of what is holding us back. Trees can’t grow new leaves until they shed old ones.
Replaying your past in your mind over and over again doesn’t change it. It just keeps you in the time loop that drains your energy. Some people grow so attached to their pain that it becomes part of their identity. They couldn’t imagine their life without pain; the pain becomes their comfort zone. This prolonged holding to the pain takes a toll on our physical and mental health. Our past cannot define us; it is a lesson, not a sentence.
There are four tips for managing pain and Let it Go:
- Create an alternative narrative or mantra
Our thoughts, what we are saying to ourselves, could help us move forward or keep us stuck in the past. For example: instead of saying, “I can’t believe this happened to me,” “Why it happened to me,” or “I do not deserve this,” we could try a more positive narrative. We could say, “Without this, I would’ve never known how strong I am” or “I am fortunate to be able to find a new, better path in life.” We need to focus not on “why it happens to me” but “What does this teach me.” Dr. Jeffrey L. Gurian said, “You can’t change your past. The only thing you can change is your PERSPECTIVE of your past.”
- Practice meditation
By focusing on the present moment, we put distance between now and past, minimizing its impact. Meditation helps us quiet our mind and find inner peace. Practice daily. Even a few minutes of meditation will make an impact on the quality of life. When we practice being present, we have more control over our lives and more abilities to choose our responses.
Buddha was asked: “What have you gain from meditation?” He replied: “Nothing! However, let me tell you what I lost: Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Insecurity, and Fear.”
- Be gentle with yourself
For some people, the first response to the painful situation is to blame or criticize themselves. The self-healing process starts with self-compassion, self-love, and self-acceptance. Self-love, self-respect, self-worth … there is a reason they all start with “self.” You can’t find them in anyone else. We need to treat and talk to ourselves the same as we would speak to our best friend when he has a hard time. To love who we are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped us. When negative thoughts come, switch focus on something that you’re grateful for.
- Permit yourself to forgive
“Letting go means to realize that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” ― Steve Maraboli. Forgiveness is vital to the healing process. Carl Jung said, “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” Resentment keeps us tied to the past and prevents moving forward and growing. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does light up the future. When we forgive, we aren’t doing it for the other person; we’re doing it for ourselves. To heal and move forward, we need to forgive and let go. Only by forgiving someone, especially ourselves, we will find happiness.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you have control over is yourself.” ― Deborah Reber. Take ownership and responsibility for your wellbeing; stop worrying about what other people think about you or your situation. We are our happiest when aligned with our authentic selves and guided by our moral compass. We are achieving our physical and mental best when we trust our intuition, listen to our inner wisdom or consciousness. When we let go of the idea that we can control others’ actions. We only have control over ourselves and how we act. The healing starts from inside when we take ownership of our wellbeing.
Feel free to contact me with any questions: Roman Vaynshtok, RMT, Peace and Balance Reiki Center